Claude's on Vacation

Well, as they say, if its not one thing.... Now, because I've been favoring the right foot due to the reaction to the prolo, my left leg, especially ankle and calf, have been visited by the poltergeist of intermittent claudication. Basically, narrowing of the peripheral blood vessels that intermittently cause blockages of the peripheral arteries. The effect is one where the affected limb feels heavy, and painful like an almost-cramp that does not subside. It can (and believe me, it does) cause difficulty walking, sitting, sleeping, dancing (ha!) and just about anything you want to do in life.

Now, I have actually had this condition since I was a little kid, and as the years have gone by, and I've learned more about this condition, it became clear to me that my particular form of this condition is not like the classic forms as described in the literature. The vast majority of intermittent claudication occurs in a) males over 50, and show the following symptoms:

• cyanosis
• atrophic changes like loss of hair, shiny skin
• decreased temperature
• decreased pulse
• redness when limb is returned to a "dependent" position

Now, I do get number 2, but none of the rest. I now believe (though, in keeping with the spirit of truth in advertising, etc., I cannot prove factually,) that my form, as it has been with me since quite young, is associated with my post-club feet. This makes sense, actually, when you consider the following:

1. I spent many years in casts, tight braces, and a lifetime in high-top, lace up shoes, for their additional support.
2. Like nearly every post-clubber I've met, spoken with, or encountered here, one of the accompanying symptoms is muscle atrophy, especially of the calf muscles. This may in fact provide the narrowing of the distal arterial supply that causes these symptoms without the presence of any acute blockages.

Of course, finding a clinician/specialist who is willing to entertain that notion for serious consideration may be harder than learning to skateboard on one's head. But now, the pain is the worst I've yet experienced with this condition, and not getting any good night's sleep is slowly wearing me down.

So, it's off to see the wizard time again. Yippee.


Stay tuned.

Slow But Steady Never Gets You Anywhere These Days

OK, some improvement. This recovery from a prolo session is taking a very long time, and I've begun to think there may be something else going on, possibly systemic, so I've scheduled a look-see with my GP. (Hey, that rhymes!!) I am quite guilty of denial sometimes, especially when I've been dealing with pain and it's associated fun times for an extended period. I just get tired of the whole mishegas. But eventually, I get down to business. It just seems the older I get (and believe me, I'm gettin' old,) I have less enthusiasm for chasing down yet another set of symptoms. Spirit is the journey, body is the bus is all well and good, but I gots myself one busted down bus, ya dig?

I recently had someone castigate me for daring to complain about my pains. They used that old tried-and-not-so-true insult of comparing my widdle-piddle owey with someone "much worse off." I really hate that crap, ya know? I live with my pain everyday, not with someone else's. And I have more compassion for other people's pain that this particular twit has (why is it always people who have no (obvious) physical pain that try to diminish or knock down people who do?) I can assure you of that. And this is something I have had many occasions to wonder about over the course of my life: why do people insult, bully, or dismiss people who have physical pain, whether resulting from congenital or accidental causes? I strongly suspect it is because they are afraid.

Yep, that's what I said. Bullies are actually afraid they might catch what the person with pain and handicap has, so by diminishing and bullying, they can ward off the evil spirits. I know this is a bit simplistic, but seriously - why else would any reasonable human being tell another that the pain they experience is not worth complaining about? Or have the audacity to try and compare one person's pain or handicap level with another's? It HURTS, you fool! That's why!!! Its really no wonder that palliative care for pain is centered on the dying, that people with chronic pain have to practically prove they are melting from radioactive death beams before a doctor will prescribe adequate meds, or get them into a pain management program, and even that insurance companies think that after a month of treatment, hey! Your pain is gone now! According to actuarial tables compiled by accountants who've never had anything worse than a paper cut, you know that's how that little number goes.

You know about that woman whose face and hands were torn off by a pet??? chimpanzee? It seems like unless you are that bad off, where people can look and say, "Oh, yeah, give her anything she wants," (not to diminish HER suffering, but to merely point out how bad off someone has to be before the bully's are silenced,) your pain is a nuisance to them, so shut the hell up, already!

But clubbies who (let me be clear here) are NOT among the lucky one's whose surgeries and treatment was actually successful (to preempt an objection I've had before,) have to deal with not merely the daily physical pain, but often the daily prospect that this is exactly what tomorrow, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day is going to look like. We deal with the realization that unless we do something drastic to end the pain, (amputation, anyone?) we get to live in various states of pain all of our lives.

So to that bully recently encountered, to all the bullies of the past, and to all the (inevitable) bully's of the future, let me say this: Live with it. Because we have to live with our pain. You, bozo, you go live with your fears. And shut the hell up!